My heart bleeds… Remembering Marcel Fahey

Dedicated to Marcel Fahey, 38 (1983 – 2021)

My heart bleeds for my daughter.

Just want to be her father.

I try every day,

dreaming of seeing you someday.

My life is such a mess,

but working on building a nest.

Shame and blame will never go,

because not seeing you, just makes it grow.

How could this ever happen?

Couldn’t stop the addiction’s cramping.

I wrote about you in my journals,

The pain kept spinning me in circles.

I wanted to show you God’s way,

cause he was with me every day.

I tried hard to be good,

But always came out misunderstood.

Recovery isn’t crystal clear,

You always wake up with fear.

Can my mind set me free today,

Or will it be guilt like every other day.

Each day the fog gets clearer,

But blame and shame keeps getting nearer.

My heart bleeds for my daughter,

I just want to be her father.

She will be 10 in November

I missed her 6, 8, and 9 birthdays 

and now it’s for her to remember.

I wished it didn’t have to go this way,

I really wanted to do better and stay.

I wanted so much to own it.

To be the father who outgrown it.

For all the times we were together,

You were my heart, my best friend, forever.

I will watch over you now,

I hope you feel me somehow!

Shame creates pain, it feels like there is no way out of it.

Maybe, the solution is to stop stigma, 

and be part of peace and continue with it.

We all need to feel worthy,

There’s no room for controversy.

Life won’t be the same without you,

Cause we all lost a part of you.

My heart bleeds for my daughter.

I just want to be her father.

About Canadian Drug Policy Coalition

Advocating for public health- and human rights-based drug policies grounded in evidence, social justice, and compassion. www.drugpolicy.ca